


How Do I Deal?

by Skylar0Grace



Category: Dark Angel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-07
Updated: 2010-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-29 17:31:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/689592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skylar0Grace/pseuds/Skylar0Grace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if your entire world had just been turned upside down?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Do I Deal?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by ‘How Do I Deal’ by Jennifer Love Hewitt.

* * *

“Alright,” Mole said as he stormed into Alec’s office, “get in there and make it stop!”

“Make what stop?” Alec asked confused as he put down his pen and stood slowly.

“That song! Can’t you hear it?”

Alec tuned in and sure enough, a pop song was coming from Max’s office. It wasn’t loud but he could hear it.

“Why? I know it’s not your kind of music but it’s just a song. Besides,” Alec said as he sat back down, “she’ll kick my ass if I go in there and tell her to turn it off.”

Mole growled. “She’s had that damn song on repeat and I’m sick of hearing it. She hasn’t come out of her office all day, she’s just been sitting in there listening to that one song and if you don’t go in there and make it stop, I’ll break it!”

“Max has been in there all day?” Alec asked frowning.

“Longer. She got back from her mission with you then got a call from the ordinary a few minutes later. Since then, she’s been holed up in there, trying to drive me crazy!”

“Alright, I’ll see what I can do,” Alec replied as he stood and rubbed his neck.

Mole nodded once then turned around and stormed out. Alec stood still for a moment before walking out of his office and heading over to Max’s. When he reached her door, he heard a brief silence before the song started again and he entered, closing the door softly behind him. Max was sitting at her desk with her head down and her hands over her head, fingers entangled in her hair. She didn’t look up as he entered and Alec wasn’t sure if she had even heard him; she certainly made no indication she had.

As the lyrics began again, Alec listened to the words hoping to get a hint of why she was repeatedly playing the song and driving Mole crazy.

  
_Every day I wake up to another day gone by_  
 _Nothing but the open road and the never-ending why_  
 _Anything can happen, yeah, but nothing ever does_  
 _I try to change, it's kinda strange, the same as it ever was, but look at us_

_How do I deal with you_   
_How do I deal with me_   
_When I don't even know myself_   
_Or what it is you want from me_   
_How do I deal with us_   
_How do I know what's real_   
_When I don't even trust myself_   
_Or what it is I feel_   
_And how do I deal_   


Alec thought back to the previous night. They had been staking out a warehouse in Sector 12 that was getting a shipment of food delivered in the next couple of days. Max had wanted to get the food for TC and roped Alec into helping her do recon. They had rappelled back down the building from the roof when Max and Alec heard a small noise and Max’s line jolted. Max turned to him just as the remainder of the rope had snapped and only Alec’s transgenic speed had stopped her from plummeting to the ground as he pushed himself off the wall and crashed into her, managing to wrap an arm around her falling body before they slammed into the side of the wall.

Alec had looked at the rope lying uselessly on the ground and turned back to her to make a comment when he noticed her expression and his words were lost. Her eyes were wide and her cheeks flushed from the momentary panic of falling and she was wearing a look of surprise, of shock.

Alec had no idea how long he was looking at her bright eyes or feeling her quickly beating heart but it seemed like an eternity. He had internally fought himself as his body wanted to reach forward and kiss her but his mind reasoned that the backlash would be painful and begged him to be reconsider.

He hadn’t listened to his mind and he leaned forward and kissed her anyway. Alec expected Max to shove him away but instead she wound her fingers into his hair and pulled him closer, kissing him fiercely. Alec didn’t let his surprise distract him and instead opted to pull her nearer, losing himself in the feel of their bodies so close together.

The moment was shattered as he felt her quickly pull back and he opened his eyes to see the look of surprise return with a chaser of fear before she disentangled herself from him and climbed quickly down his rope. He had stilled, cursing himself, before he followed her down and endured her silence all the way back to Command. She spoke quickly to Mole and he gave up and walked back to his apartment.

She hadn’t sought him out this morning and he had assumed she’d just wanted to forget that it had happened and get back into her ‘perfect’ relationship with the ordinary. Now he was wondering what had happened in that phone call that had made her lock herself away in her office and play a pre-pulse song repeatedly.

  
_Every night, in the dark, I lie awake in bed_   
_How am I supposed to dream, with all the static in my head_   
_I turn in all directions and I pray for some relief_   
_What can I do but feel the weight I'm underneath_   
_And grit my teeth_

_How do I deal with you_   
_How do I deal with me_   
_When I don't even know myself_   
_Or what it is you want from me_

_How do I deal with love_   
_Why do I have to choose_   
_And everybody's telling me_   
_What the hell I have to do_   
_And how do I deal with us_   
_How do I know what's real_   
_When I don't even trust myself_   
_Or what it is I feel_   
_Now how do I deal_

_How do I deal with you_   
_How do I deal with me_   
_When I don't even know myself_   
_Or what it is you want from me_

_How do I deal with love_   
_Why do I have to choose_   
_When everybody's telling me_   
_What the hell I have to do_

_How do I deal with you_   
_How do I deal with me_   
_When I don't even know myself_   
_Or what it is you want from me_   
_How do I deal with us_   
_How do I know what's real_   
_When I don't even trust myself_   
_Or what it is I feel_

_How do I deal, how do I deal_   
_How do I, how do I, how do I deal_   
_How do I, how do I, how do I deal with you_   


As the song faded out, Alec walked over and turned it off, waiting for Max to talk to him.

“Maxie?” he asked cautiously. “Are you okay? Mole says you’ve been driving him crazy all day.”

“Screw Mole,” Max muttered. Alec rolled his eyes and bit his tongue, swallowing the retorts that were desperate to escape.

“Max…” he trailed off. He wasn’t exactly comfortable with moping women and wasn’t exactly sure what to say.

“I’m in love with Logan,” Max mumbled and Alec ignored the pang in his heart. He had been right: she wanted to forget it had happened.

“I’m in love with Logan,” she repeated.

“So you said,” he replied sarcastically and instantly regretted it as her head shot up and she looked carefully at him. She bit her bottom lip in thought and Alec suppressed a groan. She sighed loudly and let her head slam back down on her desk.

“I’m hoping that if I say it often enough, I might believe it again.”

“Huh?” Alec was lost now, utterly confused.

Max looked up at him and hesitated before she replied. “I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything that was so clear in my mind is now this…big jumbled mess…How am I supposed to deal with this? How am I supposed to figure everything out?”

Alec remained silent as his brain tried to figure out what she was saying. For someone as intellectually gifted as he was, he felt quite stupid. Max frowned at his silence and he saw anger flash in her eyes as she sat straight at her desk and narrowed her eyes at him.

“This is all your fault,” she began, ignoring his now gaping mouth, “If you hadn’t kissed me, I wouldn’t even be in this mess!” She continued before he could even speak. “And now, I’m confused. Everyone’s telling me I should get rid of the ‘ordinary’ but I love Logan, or at least I thought I did. Now I don’t know what I’m feeling and Logan called and tried to make plans for dinner and I made up an excuse to get out of it.”

Max continued rambling and began pacing behind her desk, not even looking at Alec as she tried to figure everything out. The corner of Alec’s mouth turned up as he finally realised her dilemma – she had feelings for him. He tilted his head to the side as he watched her sort through everything, ignoring his presence.

“I mean, maybe it’s just stress. I haven’t seen Logan in a couple of weeks, well at least not in person, so it could be that too, right? How can I expect him to understand if I can’t understand it myself? I don’t know what he even wants from me anymore: it’s mostly just been business, until last night anyway. I can’t even trust myself anymore and that has always been the one thing that’s been constant. And I thought maybe it was being here and being stagnant and boxed in but that should make me want to sneak out and see him, not turn to someone else. And I’m not sleeping properly, so maybe it’s all just from lack of sleep?  
Shouldn’t it be obvious, I mean why do I have to choose? Why is it my job to sort through everything and make sense of it? Shouldn’t it be obvious?”

She directed the last question to him, finally looking up at him and she saw a soft smile on his lips. She sucked in a sharp breath and watched him take a single step toward her.

“Maybe it is and you just don’t want to see it.”

She swallowed as he pinned her with his stare and took another step forward, ending up on the opposite side of the desk from her.

“So when you finally do see it, the question should be,” he began as he slowly walked around her desk, keeping his eyes locked on hers. “How do I deal?”

He gave a small smirk as he stopped in front of her and she looked up into his face, drawing a deep breath. Her eyes darted back and forth as if searching for an answer on his face. She let out the breath slowly and softly closed her eyes. When her eyes opened, she saw the soft smile back on his face and moved purely on instinct as she closed the gap between them, pressing her lips to his and allowed her body to arch into his as he placed an arm around her waist and raised a hand to her face, gently cupping her cheek. She pulled back from him and laid her head on his chest.

“What do you want Alec?” she asked dejectedly.

Alec tilted her face up to his and looked into her eyes, making sure she understood exactly what he was saying.

“I want you Max, always have.”

Max looked at him carefully before a genuine smile broke out on her face.

“I think I know how to deal now,” she said smiling as she reached up and kissed him again, wrapping her arms around his neck. She felt his lips briefly smile against hers before he enveloped her in his arms and kissed her back with all the passion he felt.

Out in the conference room, Mole looked at Max’s closed door and smiled wryly.

“I hope he broke the damn thing!” he said to no one in particular.


End file.
